For many military spouses, the holidays can be filled with navigating various challenges. Whether you recently moved to your base, your spouse is deployed overseas, or you are hundreds or thousands of miles away from your family, the time between Thanksgiving and New Year's can feel isolating and lonely. While the rest of the world seems to be celebrating, you may be finding yourself filled with grief over the loss of home, place, and family.
Here are five ways to cope with grief as a military spouse this holiday season.
1. Redefine gift-giving and traditions.
Moving to a new duty station location like Coast Guard Sector St. Petersburg, or MacDill Air Force Base is an opportunity to create new holiday traditions in those locations. Gift giving this year may not look like stuffing gifts below the tree, but perhaps it’s choosing to spend money on experiences or opportunities in the community, like a membership to the Tampa Zoo, or tickets to an upcoming concert that you and your spouse can go to once they return. You may have traditions that you have done in the past that will be hard to do in your new location (i.e. cutting down a fresh Christmas tree in Florida), but this is an opportunity to take an old tradition and make it new. Maybe your family gets a potted palm tree and uses that as your Christmas tree for your time in Florida.
2. Get your kids involved in the planning!
While kids experience the most joy and excitement during the holidays, it can be especially difficult for families who are experiencing a parent who is away on deployment, or you live far away from extended family. Talk to your children to see if they have any ideas on how they’d like to include their active duty parent in their holiday traditions even though they can’t be there.
3. Say "yes" to at least one invitation.
It's not easy being alone during the holidays. You may need more energy or motivation to get out there and participate in regularly celebrated traditions and festivities. However, you may benefit from being surrounded by those who can understand, care, and empathize. Allow yourself to stay home from time to time, but don't underestimate the power of your support system. Try and engage in activities in the community or hosted by the base or spouses group.
4. Practice self-care.
Self-care is one of the most important gifts you can give yourself. Even for those not grieving, the holiday season brings a unique set of stresses and demands. With grief over the loneliness of being away from family during the holidays thrown into the mix, it’s easy to feel overwhelmed and exhausted. Remember to take care of yourself, whether that means giving yourself permission to rest and restore. Avoid committing to more responsibilities than you need to. Be gentle and kind to yourself on the bad days, and remind yourself that there will be brighter ones ahead.
5. Build New Traditions As A Family.
Build new traditions based on location. Every move and every new place is a unique opportunity to start new practices. Each new duty station allows you to create new rules as a family for that particular place. Perhaps it’s ordering food from a specific restaurant each Christmas Eve, or attending a particular holiday event every year. Ask the locals in your area about things to do as a family, or look online to create these new traditions. Whatever you choose, make it a new yearly something you look forward to as a family.
If you're a military spouse that's experienced moves and deployments before and are finding the grief of not being near family or your spouse challenging, reach out to learn more about online grief counseling and trauma treatment for women.
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Enjoying the holiday season can be difficult when experiencing grief. I understand the stress you may face and would be honored to offer support for you and your family this holiday season. I’m happy to support you across Colorado, Hawaii, Louisiana, and Florida. To start your therapy journey, please follow these simple steps:
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Other Services Offered With Ashley Comegys, LCSW
Grief counseling isn’t the only service I offer for the residents of Colorado, Hawaii, Louisiana, and Florida. I’m happy to offer a variety of services in support of your mental health. Other services offered include counseling for moms, online postpartum depression treatment, online postpartum support, and online depression treatment. I’m also happy to offer military spouse therapy, and online trauma treatment for women. Visit my blog or about page to learn more today!