Ever since my son was able to walk, we’ve been going to the same playground regularly. He knows the different slides he likes, the stairs he religiously climbs again and again, and the swinging bridge he’s been too nervous to cross for months. It became almost comical how he would run up to this bridge, only to abruptly stop. Occasionally he would cautiously dip his toe on the bridge to assess his safety, and immediately turn around and head in the opposite direction.
For months, this anxious routine continued.
He would be running around like crazy, only to stop in his tracks because of this obstacle. With each visit to the playground, he continued to consider the possibility of crossing this bridge, but he just wasn’t ready until one day, he decided maybe he could actually stand on the end rather than just dipping his toe.
Eventually, he let go of the sides and slowly walked across with legs wobbling and hesitancy written all over him. With fear on his face, he crossed to the other side, but the fear quickly turned to delight as he realized what he had accomplished. Even though it was scary, he did it! He was brave enough to take that literal step off the ledge to accomplish something he felt scared and uncertain about.
He was “practicing brave.”
Often times when we are faced with something new, uncertain, or anxiety-provoking, it can feel like that swinging bridge. We may feel like we are running around the playground, feeling free yet in control, feeling uninhibited and confident, only to be faced with the anxiety of crossing that daunting bridge.
Practicing Brave and Anxiety
“There’s no way I can do that!” “What if I don’t do it right?” “What if someone judges me?” “What if I don’t succeed?” “What if I’m not as good as her?”
We easily talk ourselves out of even attempting to cross that bridge because as the anxiety builds, the uncomfortable possibilities keep us from even dipping our toes. Too often we think that being brave means running headstrong across that bridge without a care in the world. But what if that’s not what practicing brave actually looks like?
What if practicing brave means working through the head trash that tells us all the reasons not to talk to a particular person? What if practicing brave means taking a few steps out of our comfort zone to begin the application for that job we don’t feel good enough for, even if we don’t feel ready to submit our resume? What if practicing brave means giving ourselves permission to try something new, knowing that it may not go well the first time, and that is okay?
I think practicing brave with anxiety means giving ourselves the grace and acceptance to recognize that the way we practice brave today may not be the way we need to do it tomorrow. That the way our colleague or friend practices brave is not a way that feels comfortable for us and that’s okay. That we may have felt confident and brave in that same situation before but we don’t today and that’s also okay.
Overcoming Anxiety Over Time
When we are experiencing anxiety, it can have such a stronghold on us that it can feel paralyzing at times. So, the thought of having to do something that may create anxiety for us feels overwhelming. Why would we want to intentionally put ourselves in a position that may bring an uncomfortable feeling? But what if we can work with those anxious feelings to approach that situation with a sense of bravery that feels comfortable for us?
It is important to create moments or take steps that work for you while acknowledging that they are hard.
Practicing Brave
You may only feel brave enough to cling to the side and dip one toe onto the bridge today and that’s okay. You are practicing brave!
Maybe you feel comfortable enough to cross that bridge but with your knees shaking and still holding onto the sides. You are practicing brave!
Or maybe you feel ready to run unabashedly across that bridge and can go back and forth over and over. You are practicing brave!
This week as I watched my son approach this bridge that he’s finally been crossing for several weeks, I realized that despite running full force across it by the end of playtime, he still never approaches it this way right off the bat. Even after weeks of crossing this bridge, he still feels the need to do a slow walk across the bridge to assess the situation before he feels he can run full speed ahead.
I think this is exactly how practicing brave with anxiety in our day-to-day life can be. We may do something over and over with minimal feelings of anxiety, only to come to that same situation several weeks later and be met with paralyzing fear. We then find ourselves questioning our abilities and even beating ourselves up: “You’ve done this before, why can’t you do it again?!”
Practicing brave isn’t always going to look the same each time
Practicing brave as a way to cope with anxiety means recognizing that while we may have felt brave doing this thing five times before, today practicing brave in that same way doesn’t feel safe for us, and that’s okay.
Maybe you’re a mom with anxiety and today practicing brave means walking up to that other mom at the playground even though your knees are shaking, while another day it may look like simply offering a smile to her because today you only feel brave enough to dip that toe on the bridge.
Or practicing brave may look like vulnerably sharing with someone a pipe dream of starting your own business, and another day it may look like signing the lease for that new storefront.
And practicing brave can look like signing up to take a cooking class alone, and another day it may look like skipping tonight’s class in order to practice self-care at home. And that’s okay!
Practicing Brave in The Moment
As we practice brave with anxiety, we need to always be offering ourselves self-compassion and gratitude for the steps we were able to take in that moment. Practicing brave does not always look the same from moment to moment. So, whether you’re just walking up to the bridge to simply consider crossing, or you’re ready to run across with arms wide open, you are practicing brave. And that is good enough.
If for you practicing brave looks like reaching out to a therapist to help cope with your anxiety, I can help. We can work together to help find healthy ways that work specifically for you to cope. Whether you’re a mom with anxiety trying to figure out the roller coast of postpartum anxiety and depression, or a young professional trying figure out this whole adult thing, talking to someone can help. Practicing brave can be as simple as contacting me for more information.
So, how are you practicing brave?
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Online Mental Health Services Offered By Ashley Comegys, LCSW
Anxiety treatment isn’t the only service I offer. I provide a variety of online mental health services to the residents of Louisiana, Colorado, and Hawaii. These include individual counseling for women, anxiety counseling, depression treatment, counseling for mothers, counseling for military spouses, and counseling for women who have survived trauma.
Ashley Comegys is a Licensed Clinical Social Worker who focuses on working with women with anxiety. She holds a license in Louisiana, Colorado and Hawaii, and specializes in providing online counseling. Ashley helps women find healthy ways to cope with the anxiety that often follows life transitions, grief, loss, and trauma. If you are seeking counseling services for anxiety, please contact Ashley here for a free 15 minute consultation.